Okay. Enough of this Orwellian Bullshit.

I received this message in my e-mail this morning, and it gave me a shock:

"Hi Zach,

This is Lisa Williams from My Music Inc - Zach I noticed that you just visited our website and I wanted to thank you for dropping by. My Music Inc. is the #1 music downloading service that everyone is talking about.

We are proud to be a 100 Percent Legal service that allows you to easily download Millions of Free Music MP3s, CDs, Games, Movies and much more! -Zach with My Music Inc. you are not just limited to top music downloads you can download all kinds of DVDs, video games and full versions software programs.

Try Our Free Music & Movie Search: >>

Here Are Some of the Titles Available Right Now...

MOVIES: Lord of the Rings, Pirates, Matrix, Harry Potter, Nemo, and More.

GAMES: The SIMS, Warcraft, Splinter Cell, Vice City, Halo, and More.

PROGRAMS: MS Office, Photoshop CS, Quickbooks, Norton Anti-Virus, and Much More.

Zach in case you haven't already become a member... Membership means access to millions of music files, movie files, software programs, pictures, games and movies...all without a single download fee.

Download Today and receive BONUS #1 software that will allow you to download and Burn Music CDs and Movie DVDs and record them on regular 25 cent CD-R discs that will play in a DVD player or with CDs in your home or car stereo !

BONUS #2 Plus we will include an adult filter and pop-up blocking software. We include All the Software and Friendly Technical Support you need to get started enjoying your movies and music fast.

Download Music and Movies Here: at http://www.mymusicinc.com/download.htm

=====

Unlimited - Friendly - Technical Support:

Zach our technical staff is here to offer you friendly technical help - to get you started downloading fast. So if you're new to this, don't worry because we'll have you downloading music and burning custom CDs and DVDs in no time.

We are pretty certain, you will find the music you're looking for :o)

Download Music and Movies Here: at http://www.mymusicinc.com/download.htm

=====

Sincerely,

Lisa Williams
Client Support
My Music Inc.com"

Okay, while it is indeed true that I visited "My Music Inc" yesterday somewhere around 3 p.m. and it is true that I scrolled down just long enough to see that they did not in fact offer the classic CKY underground hit "Branstyle" I did not linger. I noticed that despite their rosy depiction of a utopian musical anarchy of free songs and no legal ramifications it was all crap. You had to pay so it would be "free for members." What the shit does that mean? Because I pay to become a member suddenly everything I do on that site is "free." That defies even the most basic economic and logical analysis. Jesus, and to think some idiots fall for it.

But that's beside the point. The point is, I did not linger. Meaning, I did not sign up for a newsletter. I did not click on anything. I did not give any indication that my response to that service was anything less than disgust. Yet, one day later, I receive a message from "Lisa Williams" thanking me for my "interest" in their company.

How did this happen?

Now I know that I'm notorious for my inability to grasp certain technological aspects of modern life. I know that I still use a typewriter. So I'm hoping that maybe some of you more tech savvy people out there will have something to ease my troubled mind. So I ask you this:
1. How did these fucks know I was on their site?
2. Who the shit is "Lisa Williams" and how the hell did she "notice" I visited her site?
3. How was "Lisa" watching me?
4. Who in God's name allowed these sneaky rat bastards to use this technology and what else are they applying it to?
5. Is there a way to block this nonsense?
6. How long until my computer starts responding to my thoughts?

An answer or three to any of these questions would be very appreciated, as I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

I AM NOT A CLIENT!

What I've Been Drawing

Yes yes. Below I've given a small sampling of some of the wacked-out shit I've been drawing over the past few months. The bottom two are from an actual event (the Testicle Festival) and are horrifying. Someday when I figure out how to do links with this damnable technology there'll be a link in here about the Testy Fest -- beware though -- it's graphic. So there you are.

Another half-listened-to radio creation. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and I could have sworn to God I hear someone say "Donkey Shit. Jackass America. American Pride." Turned out it was a George W. Bush speech on NPR. I thought that darkly appropriate, as most of what we hear might as well be gibberish. Just sprinkle some "America's" in there and everyone goes all cow-eyed. Bah!

An odd thing I drew after listening to some crazy-assed radio show about lonely people. I think it was on the BBC World Service and I was only half-awake. I remember thinking that not everyone who's lonely is some suffering saint. So there you go... I must have been in a bad mood or something (fancy that).

Page One of a two-page comic (see below) that I drew based on the insane ramblings of a coke addict in Los Angeles -- taken verbatim.

Page Two of the "Coke Comic." Very apocalpytic. Done in ink and brush, my new medium.

The Hideous Face of the Testicle Festival (mine).

Horror at the Testicle Festival -- the Beer Garden of Doom

Yeah, yeah, yeah... Welcome to the 21st Century

So yes. Here it is. Behold -- Hagadone has a Blog. Hagadone also has a cell phone, a fax machine, a mouse with a laser in it, he knows what Mozilla is and has a gmail account. Hagadone has been welcomed to the 21st Century by everyone he knows; and, for some reason, he now speaks in the Third Person.

But that's beside the point.

The point is, I can now communicate with various people that I have not communicated with much in the past few years because, alas, I am a bad communicator.

So, for those of you that I have communicated with badly I will give a brief break down of what I've been doing (very brief because that shit is boring).:

1. I moved to Sandpoint (this may be new to you depending on how badly you've been communicated with).
2. Danielle moved to Sandpoint and we rent a house in an alley behind a giant black milling tower on one of the main streets in town.
3. I got a job at the Bonner County Daily Bee for a time selling advertising. I had to cut my hair and trim my beard and shower and shave every damn day. I had to suck up to real estate agents. I hated it.
4. I quit.
5. Danielle got a job working at the Pend d'Oreille Winery downtown. It's very fancy and she gets to take home bottles of wine that haven't been finished by tasters during the day -- so that's a perk. She knows everything about wine now, so I go in there once in a while and ask her if she has any Boone's Farm. She doesn't think that's very funny.
6. Right after quitting the Daily Bee -- which is a newspaper for those that don't already know that -- I hooked up with this friend of mine from the olden days of Sandpoint Long Ago (who worked for some time as a production assistant on commercials in L.A.) and we went on a series of misadventures that we hoped to turn into freelance articles -- he wrote, I drew. We did one on this wacked-out Christian group called "Christian Exodus" who want to move en masse to South Carolina and establish a "Sovereign Christian Nation." We originally tried to sell it to Mother Jones -- they were interested but didn't want to commit until the story got bigger. So now we're still farming it around. We've heard from a dude in South Carolina that wants to run it in a newspaper that he owns. I don't know what will come of it.
7. I went to the Testicle Festival in Clinton, Mont. They eat Bull Testicles there. It was hideous. If you really want to know more, let me know. I don't want to relive the horror right now.
8. I went to L.A. and saw Hunter S. Thompson in the flesh. He was so drunk and high that he vomited on himself before I could meet him and have him sign my copy of Hey Rube. So I told his publicist that I'd drive 2,000 miles to see the bastard and she gave me her signed copy of the book. I pissed off Benicio del Toro that night when I said that I didn't "give a shit about del Toro, I'm here to see the doctor" when he was standing right next to me.
9. Chris DeCleur of Albertson College of Idaho Coyote fame moved up and we founded a free weekly newspaper modeled heavily on the Coyote formula of arts & entertainment/news & views, but with a little more legally-enforced class.
10. The paper has pretty much taken over my life since our first issue Dec. 23 . We've had 5 issues since. Hot damn!

Yeah, so there you go. That's what I've been doing. I tried to be a freelance artist for a while but it didn't work out, though I did get published as the illustrator for the lead article in Sandpoint Magazine (circulation 25,000). Currently I'm illustrating Dr. Kerry Hunter's new book on the U.S. Supreme Court. So far all I've gotten done is a picture of the justices hijacking a plane (metaphorically representative of the 2000 election. I'm so clever).

Indeed.

Oh yeah, I wept at the 2004 election. And I wept again at the inauguration. Then I wept again last night when I watched "The Life Aquatic, with Steve Zissou." That movie tore me up. You should all see it (if you haven't already).

Well, I'm writing this, my Glorious Introductory Post in my office and it's almost 9 o'clock and I should be working on this article I'm doing on the Southside Water & Sewer District's plan to dump effluents into the Pend Oreille River. Wooo-hooo. Liquid shit articles.

With that I leave you my friends. Hopefully I will be fairly frequent with these things (God willing more frequent than Bill Punkoney or Ron Torres). Right.